There comes a time when someone you once loved becomes an ugly contrast of their former selves.
It does not happen to everyone but for those who have been down this path, the pain is all too familiar – searing, deep and so intense that the very core of your existence feels it.
Watching someone you love go through this dramatic change for worse is quite akin to what parents feel when their daughter switches from being a cherubic, adorable princess to a mean, hateful, no-f**ks-given teenager.
So, for Chima to see his girlfriend, Nneoma, become the distant, uncaring person she became must have hurt beyond explanation.
The couple, together for just slightly over one year, had constant issues for the last four months of their relationship – if one could call the topsy-turvy, fight-riddled period that.
“We had an issue, like, almost every time and over the craziest things.
“I would do something, tell her about it, and she’d go on about why the hell was I just telling her after it had been done or something as crazy as that!
“This is a babe who never used to have any problems with things like this in the past.”
Chima and his girlfriend broke up when he got fed up of hearing about how he could leave, and how she didn’t care whether he left or stayed.
“It became too much for me. I just had to slip out of it for the sake of my sanity.
“It was my breaking point. I never want to be with someone who does not care whether I am there or not.”
While Chima’s story might have played out a little differently, the underlying problem resonates quite well with many partners.
There’s always that moment that breaks the camel’s back, that singular word or act that informs your irreversible decision to let go and move on to the chance of something better, less toxic.
Below, I list the three of the most common reasons why people finally give up on their partners and their relationships
1. They bring out the worst in you
“The last fight we had, she was going on and on, making up the most ridiculous things I ever heard,” says Chima.
“If it wasn’t over the phone, I might have been tempted to hit her or something, because I didn’t know when I told her to f**k off, and hung up on her.
I regret those words till this day, but I don’t regret breaking up with her,” he adds in a conversation with me.
That’s one of the things about toxic partners and the negative energy they bring to the relationship.
In trying to stay and salvage the relationship, you could end up going lower and lower with them till you find yourself thinking and doing to them terrible things you once swore to never do anyone, let alone someone you love.
2. You can’t ever please them
No matter how hard you try, even if you bend backwards and pluck out an eye for them, it still won’t ever be enough.
And that’s not what you want in a relationship.
When all your attempts become insufficient, when you give your all and still fall short, you need to know it’s time to let go of that partner.
You can’t keep being with someone who complains about your best, because you couldn’t be better even if you tried!
3. You realise they won’t ever change
The moment when people realise that a partner’s unbearable attitude or behavior will never leave has also been the deciding moment for many.
It suddenly dawns on them in that moment that nothing can change that man or woman, and staying with them while they keep up that habit isn’t wise.